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January 23, 2004

Parents are First, Best Role Models for Kids

In Everything from Morality to Marital Relations, Children Learn By Watching Their Parents, Says Texas State Bar Family Law Chair

(Dallas) Forget Tiger Woods, Britney Spears and Mia Hamm. If parents want to find a role model for their children, they need look no farther than their mirror, says Mary Jo McCurley, chair of the State Bar of Texas' Family Law Section and name partner in the family law boutique of McCurley, Orsinger, McCurley & Nelson.

"Children are at their most impressionable before the world of pop culture and sports enter their minds," says McCurley. "And their first and most important role models are their parents."

That extends to everything from littering and lying to personal relationships, she says-and the most important relationship role model children have is that of their parents. If that relationship is disrespectful and destructive, it can have serious consequences on the child's adult relationships, she says.

Even if parents are-or end up-divorced, they can still model positive behavior by treating their ex-spouses with respect, McCurley says.

"When divorcing parents use their children as pawns, or when they are hostile to their former spouses, it sends the message that those actions are okay," she says. "And those messages can be hard to override in later years. I continually counsel my clients to keep their emotions in check and to behave as they would want their children to behave."

McCurley offers these tips to divorcing or divorced parents looking to set a positive example for their children:

• Never disparage your former spouse in front of your children.
• Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently and do everything within your power to accommodate the visitation.
• If you have a drinking or drug problem, get counseling right away.
• If you are the non-custodial parent, pay your child support.
• Do not ask your child to lie to your ex-spouse, whether it's about your new relationship or the fact that he had all his weekend meals at McDonald's.

"Honesty, integrity, fairness, generosity-these are all values we want to instill in our children" says McCurley. "Even in the context of divorce-perhaps particularly in the context of divorce-these values should be modeled on a daily basis."

For more information about the State Bar's Family Law Section, visit www.sbotfam.org