How to choose a guardian for your child.

Louise Tutelian
Good Housekeeping, Page 156, 1998 Hearst Corporation. All rights reserved.

If something happens to you, who will care for your children? For too many of us, naming a legal guardian is one of those nagging things we keep putting off. But if you don't choose, lawyers warn, a court will choose for you. "People play the `It's never going to happen to me' game," says Mike McCurley, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and a senior partner of the Dallas-based law firm of McCurley Orsinger McCurley Nelson & Downing L.L.P.. "I can't think of many more irresponsible things for a parent to do."

Legal experts rank these factors, in decreasing order of importance, as the issues to consider when selecting a guardian for your children:

1. SIMILARITY OF VALUES/PARENTING STYLE:  "From simple decisions to the choices of a lifetime, shared values are what you're depending on," says McCurley. In general, make sure you have a clear picture of the potential guardians' educational and spiritual values. "How do they address crises and solve problems? Will they see that your children finish college or kick them out of the nest at eighteen?" asks Ira Schwartz, M.S.W., dean of the School of Social Work at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia and an expert on family issues. For instance, you may place a high priority on making sure your children get good grades in preparation for college, and you also want them to play a musical instrument and participate in two sports a year. While you love your sister, you also know she'd make sure your kids get into a fine college, but would forget about the rest. Is that good enough for you?

It might have to be. Remember: No candidate will necessarily do everything you would do.

Similarly, you need to ask yourself if the person believes in religious education--and if it's the same kind of education you believe in. A couple with a different religious background than yours may make suitable guardians if other factors take precedence for you, but it's a trade-off you have to think about.

2. WILLINGNESS:  Being asked to raise another person's children may be an honor, but it's not one everyone wants. Make sure they understand the commitment they'd be making, particularly if your child is handicapped, chronically ill, or has serious learning disabilities. When you approach prospective guardians, ask the tough questions: Would they really be willing to make major changes in their lives? Would they have any prerequisites to accepting the responsibility--for instance, would they require that you leave a certain amount of money for the children's care? Also offer an escape hatch: "Maybe this is more of a commitment than you're comfortable with. We understand, and we appreciate your being honest with us. Please take your time to think about it." Then make sure you give the people at least several weeks to consider before they give you their decision.

3. AGE:  Avoid giving guardianship to people in or past their late 50s if your kids are preteens or younger, advises McCurley. "Grandparents often don't have enough energy, and can be too indulgent," he says. There's also another factor to consider, painful though it is: You don't want to have your children's lives disrupted again by death if a guardian you choose is too old.

4. MONEY:  Chances are, you would be leaving funds to support the children, but be sure you're not imposing an economic hardship. Consider how many children your potential guardians already have and how long your estate will last.

Finally, if time and the vagaries of life--divorce, illness, unemployment, or a falling out-cause you to reconsider your choice, make sure you tell the guardians you've made a change, no matter how uncomfortable you feel doing it. "Blame it on your lawyer," says McCurley, "Just say, `Circumstances have changed, and my lawyer has suggested that we reconsider our guardian decision."

RELATED ARTICLE: Making It Legal

Specific requirements vary from state to state, but in most cases, you'll need to name the guardian in your will and have the document witnessed, signed and notarized. The guardian you choose will not have to sign.

Drafting a simple will typically costs from $300 to $500; a more customized document can run between $1,000 and $3,500. Generally speaking, the larger and more complicated the estate, the higher the cost of the will.

Your attorney can help you determine your assets and decide who will be in charge of distributing them when the will is settled. Often, a single guardian is named for both the children themselves and the assets you've bequeathed them. If you're concerned about how the money you leave will be spent, you can name someone else to act as a trustee. That person will then have legal authority to ensure that the guardians spend your assets properly to care for your children.